Enough.
She has that cute coffee shop girl smile
Her voice sounds like 1000 men chasing in her footsteps
And it seems to me that she even has a soul
With a hundred story building of talent
that I sometimes can’t help but compare myself to
that I am only an abandoned house
with a broken roof
that just gets rained on
And I remember times
I would even picture my lover
retracing the sounds of her lips in his mind
Creating ridiculous scenarios in my head
Because I couldn’t trust myself anymore
In some nights
I have trouble recognizing the inside of my face
I tend to feel like Medusa turned inside out
Like my skin is only a strait jacket
that clings onto my lungs
when I want to be beautiful
And the relationship with my mirror
looks more like unrequited lovers
chained to their reflections
attempting to dance their way through the midnight moons
hoping they can one day be like the sun
be the reason broken souls breathe faith
be the reason the next day still awaits
But I’m too busy wanting to be a spitting image
of everybody’s wishlist
And I’ve tried to make my way
down the fire escape of her building
Because I could still feel everything I wasn’t
burning like a wildfire in an erupting storm
I thought once that dressing my void with vodka
Would snapshot the good parts of me
turn me inside out, reveal the deepest corners
because I heard that drunken words speak sober thoughts
But it only left me with disgusting mornings
that made my wool blanket feel a lot more like shame
than warmth in the chilliest of nights
And there had been one too many nights
I had spent laying on the cold tiled floor
throwing up question marks
and letting it bleed down the sides of my face
There had been too many broken mirrors
that I couldn’t even keep count anymore
of the cursed years they would bring
And tonight,
There was too many broken pieces
shattered across the floor around me
and as I tried to stand
to clean up the mess for the 34th time
one of the mirror shards caught my eye
I could see a section of my face
reflecting back at me
My blinking eye
It’s lashes still wet from loss
My eye dark and round
But…beautiful
It was beautiful and big and strong
Carrying the weight of it all for so long
I realized the permanence
And I realized the possiblities
And I realized the change
My chest suddenly wanted to erupt
with all the love that was suppressing itself
From thinking that loving too much
would leave me unloved
I needed to learn to love myself
even when the world can’t write me poems
on the weight of my existence
Because I am the pen to my story
and I am in control of how the
chapters sweep across the pages
And I realize that plagiarism is illegal
So I will never let anyone copyright my worth
I’m going to saw off the ball and chain
because my skin is not a strait jacket
But is a veil of hope wrapped over me
as I walk down the aisle
to renew the vows of self-worth to myself
My skin was sculpted exactly the way it should be
it was created in such a transparent way
that my soul could shine right through it
and make like the sun, glitter the world with light
I am not an abandoned home with a broken roof
I am home, I am home, I am home to myself
I belong to me, I belong to just me
And I don’t need you to tell me I’m beautiful
Because I’m beautiful
I’m beautiful
and even 10 years from now
I know I will be more beautiful than I’ve ever been
Each morning when I stand vulnerable in front my mirror
I will cleanse my face of doubt
I will splash it off my face
and I will tell myself
that I am enough.
Because I am enough.
I am enough.
And I am
Enough.
Beautiful.
